When it is hard not to say yes
I was recently attending a dinner with my workmates when it happened. We were enjoying the fanciest meal in the fanciest restaurant that you can imagine. While I was busy filling my plate and my stomach, my colleague decided to try out a new buffet area that was exclusively reserved for gourmet cheese and other tiny things stuffed in wraps. Everything was going well until my colleague suggested that I try the sushi. And I blurted out almost impulsively that I do not like the taste of it. I still wonder why I felt the need to make up something that didn’t ever happen.
Why I said what I said is beyond me. I did not consider myself as someone who gives in to social pressure. My reaction surprised me. And it got me thinking.
Then it occurred to me that I was only trying to “fit in”. Deep down, I was not ready to admit that my knowledge and indulgence in luxury food is limited.
This deep-rooted desire to be liked and accepted in a society where nobody cares what the other person does can be quite overwhelming. I did not realize until that day that the shame of not “fitting in” in the peer group can take a serious toll on one’s self-esteem. Who knew it was going to poke holes in the very identity that you built over the years.
I pondered over all the times when I fell into this trap. My brain immediately led me to this one episode of “Friends” where Rachael was described as a “pushover” by Phoebe. Even after proving her point to Phoebe, Rachael still lets Monica “push her over” by letting her choose the restaurant. It was as if the pull to succumb to others’ whims and fancies were etched into her subconscious mind. Although the humor in it dissipates the gravity of the underlying message, it made my insides churn.
This trail of thought brought me to the next best thing I know of social conformity. Solomon Asch’s social experiment in the early 1950s proved how easily people agree with others’ opinions and demands. The desire to please the world, otherwise known as social conformity, is so strong that it pushes one to concur with the majority opinion.
So how do I stop myself from falling prey to this phenomenon?
Accept Yourself
I know it is a cliché to say that accepting yourself can do wonders for your mental health. But it is what it is. Knowing your limitations and potential is the first baby step in standing up to the fake bliss of social approval. This way the self-doubts that stem from the approval-seeking thoughts will not defeat you.
Take a Second to Think
Before hastily agreeing with someone, take a moment to halt and reflect on how it would benefit you. If you really think about it, giving into external suggestions is the easy way out. Fight the urge to be someone’s favorite. You don’t want to be that person.
Swim Against the Tide
It is in human nature to readily go along with others’ opinions. It takes immense mental effort to express oneself boldly and clearly. Choose to swim against the tide.
Look out for social situations
Consider the circumstances wherein you are likely to fall prey and prepare yourselves to tread carefully. It can be a social situation, a party, a wedding, or a family dinner. When you hold your ground, you tend to make an impression, and who knows maybe become an inspiration.
Social conformity can be a tricky thing. It would take every ounce of our mental energy to wrestle this need to be praised or included. This desperation can push us over the edge and makes us slant too low. There are better things in the world than slanting to fit in. Do not bother about what others might lead you to believe. You would be fine even if you choose not to concur.
